One Month;

it only took one month for me to lose the only five people who have ever meant anything to me. I’ve lost all of my friends and I don’t even understand why. Well one of them I do, but it wasn’t even my fault. Look, it doesn’t even matter whose fault it was because I’m going to take the blame for it. All of the people who promised me they would never leave; the people who promised me they would be by my side forever; were the ones to leave without an explanation. They made it their goal to make my life a living hell and honestly, I don’t blame them. I am a horrible friend. I treat people like shit. I talk shit. I’m fake as fuck. I don’t care about anybody but myself. It’s all true. No wonder you guys left. No wonder you guys hate me now. No wonder I’m alone. Now all I’m waiting for is Baellie to leave. Let’s face it, if my best friends can leave, so can my girlfriend.

My Tuesday night consists of:

crying..

crying..

and wanting someone to rescue me from crying so much.

I had the best birthday ever.

I went to school from 7-2 like always. Joseph made me a cake and cupcakes. I got my phone taken away -____- but then I got it back :’) I went to Target with my girlfriend, then we went to Portofino’s with both my moms, my cousin, and my best friend. Then we dropped off my cousin and best friend at her house and we went to Goodwill o.O i don’t know why x: anyways, then we went back to my house and we cuddled in my bed for an hour and i was so happy and i couldn’t stop smiling. she is so cute <3 okie so then we went to my surprise party but since i already knew, i came in through the back and i surprised them instead :3 lol, i kill all the fun. so then we hung out, made smores, i threw my girlfriend and myself in the pool (which was FREEZING), threw cake at Joseph, ate cake with him using a knife, and had the best time ever. I could care less about the presents but I spent the day & night with the people who mean everything to me, my TRUE friends. I love you guys, thank you for everything you have done for me. ♥

Dear Charlie,

in our house, we refer to my sister’s baby, a.k.a you, as Charlie even though she’s only 2 months pregnant. Like, when she’s hungry at 1am, she’ll call me and say “Trina, Charlie wants oatmeal.” and I get up and make it for her. It’s so cute. Little niece or nephew, I just want you to know that I am REALLY excited for your arrival and I will be super happy when I get to go shopping for you and take you to my church and shower you with presents. I am so relieved that your great-great grandmother is okay with this. I’m so excited to raise you. I love you, I already do.
                                                                      Love, your future Aunt,
                                                                                  Kat 

I wanna be more than a friend to you now.

So straight up, my math teacher is sexist and homophobic;

so three classes ago, my friend Lianne said ‘fuck’ and my teacher was like, ‘that’s something a young lady says.’ and i was like, ‘ok, he’s right.’ but then the boys sitting next to him were like ‘man, fuck this shit, i’m sick of cunts.’ and he said N O T H I N G. So, I was like ‘mister, how is it right that boys can curse but young ladies can’t?’ and he’s like, ‘young men can curse, just not in the presence of young ladies.’ and i was like, ‘whoa, wait. so guys can curse but girls can’t?’ and he’s like, ‘that’s not what i said. it isn’t classy for girls to curse, with a guy it sounds ok.’ and i went off on him. so fast forward to today, he asked me to stay after class and he said that I’m a “disrespectful girl towards my elders.” so I called him an “ignorant douchebag with no sense of approval over the life choices of a child.” He called my grandma, I got home and my grandma went off on me too. It’s nice to know that they both are just ignorant people who aren’t caught up with today’s values.

Today you called me two faced.

Alright, so I’m two faced, right? Ok. So you know the face you’ve been looking at? The one who kissed you? The one who fell in love with you? The one who wore so much make up just to please you? The one you loved so much? Yeah, she’s gone now. And the face that you just met? The one who told you off? The one who wants NOTHING to do with you? The one who regrets ever meeting you? The one who hates you? She’s the face who is going to stay here. For. Good. I can’t stand you. I can’t stand anything about you. I don’t know HOW I fell in love with you, but it was the biggest mistake of my life. I hate you, Celine Davis and I wish you were NEVER in my life.

I missed sunday school this morning;

I was so tired and I didn’t even want to get up and do my hair. :s I still went to service but ugh, I heard that class was so good and I should have gone ;__; oh well. Service has such a strong and important message to everyone.

• God is scribbling on the pages of YOUR book.
• Get on the same page as people in your life.
• If your relationship is not built on the foundation of Jesus Christ, it will sink.
• Make sure your relationship is strong before you say ‘I do.’
• Pride overruns your life and decisions.
• Every area of your life we are able to ask for help but with our relationships and families, we are too afraid to ask for help.
• Church should be the hospital for help.

I’m was at work

and today we were baking cupcakes for one of the kids birthdays and each kid was allowed to decorate their cupcake however they wanted. mine was two girl signs intertwined and a heart around it with the background in rainbow. my boss yelled at me, i guess because she didn’t know that i was gay and she thought it was inappropriate around those kids because they “shouldn’t be exposed to homosexuality.” so i told her “okay” and threw away my cupcake in tears. so the birthday boy came up to me and asked me if I was okay. I said that I was fine. He then took my cupcake out of the trash can and asked me what the boy sign was. I drew it on a piece of paper and gave it to him. He asked me to please go to the other room with the other kids. He drew exactly what my cupcake had on it but with the boy sign interlocked. He went up to my boss and told her “why is it so wrong that she can’t like a girl when i only like boys?” She slapped him and I told her “to stop having a foot stuck up her butt and to accept her own son.” She said “never in my life will I accept a faggot.” I slapped her. I got fired but that little boy needed someone to stand up for him.

I haven’t talked to you all day,

and night. We haven’t talked since we said goodbye last night and frankly, I’m happy we haven’t talked. I know we ended things last night, well at least I did. I couldn’t take it anymore. The fighting. The yelling. The hurt. The tears. The disrespect. I couldn’t do it anymore and that’s why I don’t plan on being with you any longer. Last night opened up a whole new perspective that I was never looking at. I was sinning for the past six months and now, I’m not going to. You’ve been the sin that has been killing me all this time. I’m not going to keep making the same mistake with this relationship. God created a person for each of us to be with until the end of our lives and you are not mine. I’m happy without you. But with you? I’m miserable at best.

My senior year

I want to run for homecoming queen. Why? Because I think that every year, it’s the same kind of stupid, selfish, stuck-up, skinny girl who runs for it and of course, everybody votes for them because they’re so popular and everybody wants them. But what if that year, it’s different? What if a plus-size, lesbian, NICE girl, who wants nothing more but to make a difference in the world won homecoming queen? I honestly think people should realize how hard it is to love yourself and making people run in a competition who just makes girls starve themselves and think that you HAVE to be perfect and beautiful for people to accept you in this society.

I wish

my girlfriend and I could say ‘damnnnnn, that girl is hot.’ without the other getting jealous and then agree and kiss afterwards.
but sadly.. i don’t like femmes and she doesn’t like studs.
so we can’t do that :c